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In a romantic encounter, talking about your needs and wants—and theirs—creates some of the most emotionally intimate moments. Getting on the same page is vital, even if the relationship turns out to be short-term. Someone who does not pay attention to what you want, or disregards your feelings, is unlikely to be an ideal partner. And when someone says or shows that they’re not up for it (this time or ever), they too are taking care of their own needs and wishes, and we get to respond in ways that honor their choice.

Less that, more this. That’s not my thing—but you are. Would you like to…? If it doesn’t feel right, say something. Let’s talk about what we want. I’m not ready. I’m glad you feel able to change your mind. That’s not for me—how about [this]? How good is it for you if I…? How can I make this work for you? No problem—I’m relieved you can say it. We’ll hold off—thanks for taking care of yourself. Thanks for having me. Back massage? Firmer touch? Just right? This is working great for me. You don’t seem super-keen, so I’ll take that as a no. Still good with this? Keep going?

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Article sources

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